Potty mouth..mine

March 30, 2009

I’ve always had a bit of a potty mouth.  The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?


I can’t even count the number of times my own mother had to tell me that I don’t talk like a lady should.  What should a lady sound like anyway?  I have a feeling that according to my mother a lady should sound like her.  Ahem.  Let’s move on.  I’m not about to open THAT can of worms on the internet.  That can is best saved for nights out with my sisters and my good friend, beer.


The amusing thing about this is the fact that I’m a qualified, certified, early childhood educator. ..with a potty mouth.


It’s only natural that the short time I did work in the field I kept my mouth in check.  Believe it or not I also have always made an effort to keep it in check at home, well as long as my son is awake at the bare minimum.


It took me almost 3 years but I’ve pretty much got it down now.  He is too smart for his own good and picks up too quickly on the little words that he shouldn’t even be listening to.


I vividly remember carrying a 14 month old Mikey down the stairs.  I dropped his sippy cup and mumbled ‘shit’ under my breath.  Well it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what comes next.  My innocent child suddenly repeated ‘shit’ like it was the most natural thing in the world for him.  It doesn’t end there…unfortunately.


In about a week or so he figured out that every time he accidently dropped something he should say ‘shit.  Then one day in the middle of a crowded store, as he accidently tripped over a clothing rack, my innocent 14 month old shouted ‘SHIT’.


Oh yes, I’m sure all those lovely people who heard it must have thought I was a horrible mother.  The worst part about all of this is that I had stopped using that word around him a long time ago, and here was his little brain continually processing this amazing four letter word and all its powers.


Now that he’s three we’ve more or less moved on from the four letter words.  Now he’s onto a whole new level of embarrassing his mother. Sexual innuendo.


I honestly don’t know where the hell he picked up this sort of behaviour but the other day he leaned over, started squeezing my , for lack of a better word, boobies and proceeded to yell “Boobies, bobbies!!!” in a sing song voice at the top of his lungs.  WTF?  And he wasn’t even breast fed! Wait, maybe that IS why.


Just to clarify, I did talk with him about how inappropriate this behaviour is, to which his reply was, “It is POPIATE ma, I am tickling you” (yes he calls me ma, and no, we don’t live on the little house on the prairie)


Then of course when I thought we were out of the woods with the swearing, out came this little gem.  Let me set the scene up for you.  Mikey and his cousin were eating lunch.  Ella announces she is finished and I ask her to “Please finish your bread” To which she replies “You want me to finish my DAMN bread? O.K!”


I love you…

December 17, 2008

Mikey was eating his breakfast this morning and out of the blue turns to me and says

“I love you Mommy”

I say “Oh how sweet, I love you too”

Which he quickly follows by:

“I love you TV”

If I rank up there with the TV I think I’m in pretty good shape.


August 29, 2008

Ella:  I want candy

Me: Yea, well I want a million dollars

Ella:  Puts out her hand..Here you go now give me candy

At a crowded bakery, with five kids

Random stranger: Whoa, do you need a rope? (To keep track of the children I assume)

Me: Yeah, to hang myself with, thanks.

Is it friday yet?

August 27, 2008

I stayed up way too late last night watching pointless YouTube videos about the 2012 doomsday theory.

In effect I overslept and woke up at 8:45 a.m…the daycare opens at 9:00 a.m.

At 8:47 a.m.  my husband calls.

Husband: Can you call Home Depot for me??

Me:  Huh? (Still half asleep)

Husband:  Ask them if they carry 1/4 inch cement boards and what sizes.

Me:  Uh…sure, after I do that can you call Shoppers and ask them what type of yeast infection creams they carry?

If I’m supposed to call and ask about contruction materials then he might as well be an expert on hygiene products.