March 30, 2009
I’ve always had a bit of a potty mouth. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?
I can’t even count the number of times my own mother had to tell me that I don’t talk like a lady should. What should a lady sound like anyway? I have a feeling that according to my mother a lady should sound like her. Ahem. Let’s move on. I’m not about to open THAT can of worms on the internet. That can is best saved for nights out with my sisters and my good friend, beer.
The amusing thing about this is the fact that I’m a qualified, certified, early childhood educator. ..with a potty mouth.
It’s only natural that the short time I did work in the field I kept my mouth in check. Believe it or not I also have always made an effort to keep it in check at home, well as long as my son is awake at the bare minimum.
It took me almost 3 years but I’ve pretty much got it down now. He is too smart for his own good and picks up too quickly on the little words that he shouldn’t even be listening to.
I vividly remember carrying a 14 month old Mikey down the stairs. I dropped his sippy cup and mumbled ‘shit’ under my breath. Well it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what comes next. My innocent child suddenly repeated ‘shit’ like it was the most natural thing in the world for him. It doesn’t end there…unfortunately.
In about a week or so he figured out that every time he accidently dropped something he should say ‘shit. Then one day in the middle of a crowded store, as he accidently tripped over a clothing rack, my innocent 14 month old shouted ‘SHIT’.
Oh yes, I’m sure all those lovely people who heard it must have thought I was a horrible mother. The worst part about all of this is that I had stopped using that word around him a long time ago, and here was his little brain continually processing this amazing four letter word and all its powers.
Now that he’s three we’ve more or less moved on from the four letter words. Now he’s onto a whole new level of embarrassing his mother. Sexual innuendo.
I honestly don’t know where the hell he picked up this sort of behaviour but the other day he leaned over, started squeezing my , for lack of a better word, boobies and proceeded to yell “Boobies, bobbies!!!” in a sing song voice at the top of his lungs. WTF? And he wasn’t even breast fed! Wait, maybe that IS why.
Just to clarify, I did talk with him about how inappropriate this behaviour is, to which his reply was, “It is POPIATE ma, I am tickling you” (yes he calls me ma, and no, we don’t live on the little house on the prairie)
Then of course when I thought we were out of the woods with the swearing, out came this little gem. Let me set the scene up for you. Mikey and his cousin were eating lunch. Ella announces she is finished and I ask her to “Please finish your bread” To which she replies “You want me to finish my DAMN bread? O.K!”
In an attempt to fit into my role as a housewife I’ve been experimenting with cooking.
Anyone who knows me can confirm the fact that I hate to cook. My husband can confirm that I cook the same meals over and over because they’re the only meals that turn out edible. I’m not sure what the reason behind it is, but this winter I decided to do some experimenting in the kitchen.
I took baby steps. I started with this , then this , and finally this.The fact that Mikey didn’t spit any of it out and didn’t tell me that it’s disgusting (which NEVER EVER happened before…ahem) meant that I’m onto something.
My final hurdle was mashed potatoes. Mashed Potatoes, you say? What’s so hard about mashed potatoes? My husband is obsessed with mashed potatoes. Not any mashed potatoes will do, they have to be made by my brother in law and apparently no one can make them better, so I never bothered.
While browsing Pioneer Woman’s website I stumbled on a recipe for mashed potatoes that contains nothing less but CREAM CHEESE! I smirked to myself and knew I had him. Everything else with the cream cheese went over so well then the mashed potatoes will be a hit for sure.
My husband has this really annoying habit of always saying what he thinks. He calls it honesty or something like that. So when I asked him how he liked the potatoes he said “Too much butter”. Naturally I told him to go shove it and if he doesn’t like my cooking then he should find someone else who can cook to his satisfaction.
He was truly surprised and asked me, “Well what did you want me to say? You asked me what I thought of them!”
And this ladies and gentlemen is why I never ask my husband. “Honey, does my butt look big in this dress?”
January 7, 2009
I’m so thankful for washable crayola markers
December 17, 2008
Mikey was eating his breakfast this morning and out of the blue turns to me and says
“I love you Mommy”
I say “Oh how sweet, I love you too”
Which he quickly follows by:
“I love you TV”
If I rank up there with the TV I think I’m in pretty good shape.
November 5, 2008
Let me make a confession. I know more about American Politics than I do about Canadian Politics. Considering the fact that I don’t really know THAT much about American Politics really goes to show you how interested I am in Canada. I don’t even know who our Prime Minister is! But I sure as hell know who the new President of the US is!
Can I just say how overjoyed I am that Obama did it? That the American people finally woke up and embraced Democracy?
And I know it wasn’t supposed to be an election based on race but let’s not kid ourselves, it was. Let’s not kid ourselves either, there are people all over the world right now loathing the fact that a black man is president of the United States. I’m not one of them.
I was brought up with very conservative beliefs when it came to politics. We didn’t talk politics much at our house but when we did my father made it very clear that he loves Bush and his agenda. (Excuse me while I gag) Again, keep in mind as you’re reading this that I really know squat about politics so this is my own odd interpretation of everything.
Getting back to my father. You would think that living through communism in Poland and watching it get defeated would have a different effect on a man, but for some reason it hasn’t. I was 3 years old when Democracy was instituted in Poland and I wish I could have remembered that part in History.
I’m glad I can remember last night because this was history too. I’m not sure that many people truly realize what last night’s events mean, not on a political level but on a HUMAN level.
The battle was won but the war has just begun. Obama has a huge job in front of him and I hope the US people can be patient and not expect dramatic results over night.
I stayed up and watched the speeches last night. I will admit that Obama’s made me cry. The one part in particular where he said, and this is not a direct quote, that tonight there will be people staying up after their kids go to bed, wondering how they will pay their mortgage.
He knows, he heard you, he understands and he will fight to help you! You need to help him too!
October 23, 2008
- Go into your laundry room ready tackle a load of darks
- Begin sorting the clothes in the basket completely unaware that everything is about to go wrong from here
- Reach in for a black sock and begin screaming like a maniac
- Look into the basket to see a 3 foot centipede (okay, so maybe it wasn’t 3 feet long but it was huge)
- Drop everything and run out of the laundry room
- Go back to slam the door shut
- Hyperventilate for 10 minutes in the kitchen
- Start thinking rationally, it’s just a bug, you’re much bigger than him, it’s more scared of you than you are of it ( I highly doubt that)
- Continue thinking rationally, put on rubber gloves, grab a shoe and a bottle of Lysol spray
- Start taking out the clothes one by one, we do this by not actually stepping into the room, just leaning in and holding the piece of clothing by a single strand
- Proceed to spray the piece of clothing with the Lysol spray for a good 10 minutes hoping it will scare the bug out if it is inside ( I wonder what effect Lysol spray has on cotton)
- Continue to do this with two more pieces of clothing before getting the heebie jeebies again
- Drop everything on the floor, shut the door and call your husband
- Inform him that he has a load of laundry to do when he comes back from work.
October 8, 2008
That’s our new addition. I saw a picture of him one day and was on my way to pick him up the next.
Let me explain something. I love cats. I am going to be that crazy cat lady in another 40 years or so, that’s how much I love them. My husband on the other hand H A T E S cats. He absolutley L O A T H E S them. So I was a little bit nervous about bringing a cat home. How would the husband treat him?
Oh the cruelty!!! I can’t stand to look at it!!!
He’s not my cat, he’s Greg’s cat. He’s a smart little furball because he knew exactly who to suck up to. He follows Greg around like a little puppy. Remember how I said Greg H A T E S cats? Well, he hates this one so much he crowds my side of the bed at night so the cat can have room to sleep beside him. He hates him so much that when I sent him on a grocery run last night he forgot the onions but brought home a wind up mouse. He hates him so much that he didn’t even complain when we dropped $200.00 on the vet bill last night.
He H A T E S cats so much.
September 17, 2008
Mikey is asleep, the house is clean, the laundry is done, even folded and put away.
August 29, 2008
Ella: I want candy
Me: Yea, well I want a million dollars
Ella: Puts out her hand..Here you go now give me candy
At a crowded bakery, with five kids
Random stranger: Whoa, do you need a rope? (To keep track of the children I assume)
Me: Yeah, to hang myself with, thanks.