Potty mouth..mine

March 30, 2009

I’ve always had a bit of a potty mouth.  The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?

 

I can’t even count the number of times my own mother had to tell me that I don’t talk like a lady should.  What should a lady sound like anyway?  I have a feeling that according to my mother a lady should sound like her.  Ahem.  Let’s move on.  I’m not about to open THAT can of worms on the internet.  That can is best saved for nights out with my sisters and my good friend, beer.

 

The amusing thing about this is the fact that I’m a qualified, certified, early childhood educator. ..with a potty mouth.

 

It’s only natural that the short time I did work in the field I kept my mouth in check.  Believe it or not I also have always made an effort to keep it in check at home, well as long as my son is awake at the bare minimum.

 

It took me almost 3 years but I’ve pretty much got it down now.  He is too smart for his own good and picks up too quickly on the little words that he shouldn’t even be listening to.

 

I vividly remember carrying a 14 month old Mikey down the stairs.  I dropped his sippy cup and mumbled ‘shit’ under my breath.  Well it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what comes next.  My innocent child suddenly repeated ‘shit’ like it was the most natural thing in the world for him.  It doesn’t end there…unfortunately.

 

In about a week or so he figured out that every time he accidently dropped something he should say ‘shit.  Then one day in the middle of a crowded store, as he accidently tripped over a clothing rack, my innocent 14 month old shouted ‘SHIT’.

 

Oh yes, I’m sure all those lovely people who heard it must have thought I was a horrible mother.  The worst part about all of this is that I had stopped using that word around him a long time ago, and here was his little brain continually processing this amazing four letter word and all its powers.

 

Now that he’s three we’ve more or less moved on from the four letter words.  Now he’s onto a whole new level of embarrassing his mother. Sexual innuendo.

 

I honestly don’t know where the hell he picked up this sort of behaviour but the other day he leaned over, started squeezing my , for lack of a better word, boobies and proceeded to yell “Boobies, bobbies!!!” in a sing song voice at the top of his lungs.  WTF?  And he wasn’t even breast fed! Wait, maybe that IS why.

 

Just to clarify, I did talk with him about how inappropriate this behaviour is, to which his reply was, “It is POPIATE ma, I am tickling you” (yes he calls me ma, and no, we don’t live on the little house on the prairie)

 

Then of course when I thought we were out of the woods with the swearing, out came this little gem.  Let me set the scene up for you.  Mikey and his cousin were eating lunch.  Ella announces she is finished and I ask her to “Please finish your bread” To which she replies “You want me to finish my DAMN bread? O.K!”

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February 12, 2009

In an attempt to fit into my role as a housewife I’ve been experimenting with cooking.

 

Anyone who knows me can confirm the fact that I hate to cook.  My husband can confirm that I cook the same meals over and over because they’re the only meals that turn out edible.  I’m not sure what the reason behind it is, but this winter I decided to do some experimenting in the kitchen.

 

I took baby steps.  I started with this , then this , and finally this.The fact that Mikey didn’t spit any of it out and didn’t tell me that it’s disgusting (which NEVER EVER happened before…ahem) meant that I’m onto something.

 

I decided to try something that didn’t involve cream cheese for a change and decided on this little gem .  Then I got REALLY brave and cooked up a batch of heaven.

 

My final hurdle was mashed potatoes.  Mashed Potatoes, you say? What’s so hard about mashed potatoes? My husband is obsessed with mashed potatoes.  Not any mashed potatoes will do, they have to be made by my brother in law and apparently no one can make them better, so I never bothered. 

 

While browsing Pioneer Woman’s  website I stumbled on a recipe for mashed potatoes  that contains nothing less but CREAM CHEESE!  I smirked to myself and knew I had him.  Everything else with the cream cheese went over so well then the mashed potatoes will be a hit for sure.

 

My husband has this really annoying habit of always saying what he thinks.  He calls it honesty or something like that.  So when I asked him how he liked the potatoes he said “Too much butter”.  Naturally I told him to go shove it and if he doesn’t like my cooking then he should find someone else who can cook to his satisfaction. 

 

He was truly surprised and asked me, “Well what did you want me to say? You asked me what I thought of them!”

 

And this ladies and gentlemen is why I never ask my husband. “Honey, does my butt look big in this dress?”

Wordless Wednesday

January 7, 2009

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I’m so thankful for washable crayola markers

I love you…

December 17, 2008

Mikey was eating his breakfast this morning and out of the blue turns to me and says

“I love you Mommy”

I say “Oh how sweet, I love you too”

Which he quickly follows by:

“I love you TV”

If I rank up there with the TV I think I’m in pretty good shape.

Do do do…

September 17, 2008

It’s 8:30…

Mikey is asleep, the house is clean, the laundry is done, even folded and put away.

Shopping bags…

July 21, 2008

Picture this.  I’m walking out of Walmart.  My cart is packed so high that I can’t see straight ahead.  I’m about to cross the walkway toward the parking lot when my cart hits a snag somewhere in front.  Again, keep in mind that I can’t see the front of the cart.  I look down and see a very tiny rise in the pavement.  Assuming I snagged that I back up and push the cart a little bit harder hoping it will jump the snag.  I’m still stuck, so this time I RAM the cart, grabbing some boxes that are about to fall off.  Around the third time my sister finally asks me what in the world I am doing.  Turns out I was slamming my cart into one of these…

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This would explain why people were looking at me like THAT. 

Also, note to self:  Do not go shopping for women products with your two year old son.  As I threw a pack  of pads into my basket at Zellers the other day, Mikey decided to point at them and yell at loud as possible “Look, Mommy’s diapers!!!”

Potty training is not something I look forward to.  To be honest I keep putting it off simply due to my own laziness.  I came up with a fabulous argument as to why I will start it with him sometime around fall.

 

Mikey had other plans yesterday….

 

As his blue potty sits behind our toilet gathering dust he decided he wants to go on the big potty.

 

It was cute, he sat on it still in his diaper and then Ella, his cousin wanted to try.  They were clapping and cheering for each other.  So before bed time I decided to test the waters and asked him if he would like to go potty on the big toilet.  He said “No, I potty in tub”

 

So we had a talk for about the 100th time that we do not go potty in the tub.  Then I pulled out the big guns and bribed him.  I told him if he sits on the big toilet he will get chocolate.  Didn’t even have to ask him twice.

 

He’s such a trooper.  He sat there for a few minutes and tried really hard to go but obviously didn’t have the need to do that.  At one point he even said, “Help me pee mommy”

 

Once again Mikey has proven to me that he knows when he is ready for something and he always comes around.  That is why I’m not going to switch his crib to a toddler bed until he lets me know he is ready, and that is why I will not throw out his pacifiers until he does it himself.

A few days ago on our way to the pediatrician to check for an ear infection (which he did end up having) Mikey did something that plainly shocked me.  He decided that he will not be wearing his baseball hat on this car ride and cried, screamed, and threw things at me insisted on wearing his huge, wool, just in case a winter blizzard hits hat, left over from winter.

I really wasn’t in the mood to argue with him and it was one of those pick your battles type things so I let him wear it.  On the way there I was wondering if I made a horrible mistake by giving in to his tantrum.  Have I created “that child’ that goes to school in April wearing his halloween costume just because he wanted to?  I couldn’t care less if other people let their children do this but after working in daycare for the past 4 or so years I always told myself I would never do that. 

After I finished that thought, we parked the car and I quickly yanked that hideous hat off his head and we proceeded to the doctor’s office hatless.

The next evening I was excited after his bath time because I just got him some new pajamas.  Am I the only mother that gets excited when buying clothes for kids and cannot wait to put them on? I don’t get that excited when  I buy clothes for myself! 

Anyways…So I whip out the cutest red pajama set from Children’s Place.  I am so hapy to give away all the footsie pajama’s we have left over from winter.  That’s another thing I swore I would never do.  When I was pregnant with Mikey I was looking at those huge footed Pajamas and wondered why in the world a child that big still needs to wear those.  Well for some reason mine did…in my defense our heating sucks and it was chilly upstairs.

I got off topic again didn’t I? Oh yea, the red pajamas.  So I start putting them on him and once again the little bugger manages to shock me.  He begins to scream, pull off his pajama’s insist that he does not want red pajama’s, he wants blue pajama’s. 

Am I wrong to think he’s a little young to care what he is dressed in?  What am I in for when he gets older?  I know he does not get that from me.  I think his dad needs to stop analayzing his own clothing choices infront of his son.

I like new stuff…

April 11, 2008

I’ve always been awful when it came to saving money and sticking to a budget. I never thought things out and planned ahead. I am an in the moment kind of person and just deal with things when the time comes. I decided to work on that though. I was so proud of myself last night after I came back from my retail therapy trip.

I set a budget. I gave myself X amount of dollars and needed to come home with two jackets. I was in desperate need of a fancy jacket and an everyday durable jacket for taking Mikey to the park and whatnot.

Usually in a situation like this I would go into a store, pick the ones I like and buy them, most of the time I wouldn’t even look at the price tag. Then I would regret paying so much for it next few days. Last night though I actually shopped around. and for those of you that know me probably realise what a big deal that is.

I actually spent an hour trying on and comparing two jackets that I actually liked. That’s another thing I never do, try things on. I buy more or less my size and tell myself I can always return or exchange it later…which I never get around to doing.

On my X budget last night I bought not only two but THREE jackets!!! I also got a bag, pants and a wallet. I still had money left over for shoes but at the last minute decided against them…they weren’t THAT nice.

I did so well that I decided to try this thinking on our grocery shopping as well. I actually made a list and am planning on sticking to it, I wonder how much we can actually save by doing this.

I find it rather amusing that two years ago my biggest worry was which club we’d be spending our Saturday night. Now my worries are grocery shopping and being cheap…umm I mean thrifty.

Today is going to be a long day for me. Last night was awful. Mikey has a bit of a cold and was up every half hour until 3am. I was finally able to shake off the sleepiness and think logically enough to give him some Tylenol. That did the trick and I was able to sleep until 7. I have to do some emergency cleaning since w have guests coming from Europe tomorrow. I’m till trying to figure out where to put them. I’ll deal with that when the time comes…

Did you know…

March 9, 2008

…that Mikey’s 2 year old toddler tummy is unable to digest playdough?

How did I figure this out you might ask…

Think about it…ewww